nut hugger
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
