The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
