True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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