cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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