Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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