but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
