Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
