I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
