Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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