Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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