Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
