I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
