I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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