No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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