Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize