You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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