i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize