1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
