Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
