Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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