6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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