fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
