you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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