You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
