I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
