Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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