Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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