I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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