Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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