it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
