All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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