Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
