She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
