i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
