Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
