Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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