is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
