I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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