Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
false alarm. still invincible.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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