Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
