my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
