have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I checked into jail on foursquare
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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