Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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