I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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