she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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