I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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