i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
