I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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