Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
