I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
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So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
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I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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