Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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