No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
