I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
