booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
