I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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