Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
