Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
